Come back to me
by allthingsdarkx
Summary: Read all about it. AU. Jane/Kurt
1. Chapter 1

The season finale never happened. We're thinking happy thoughts right now during this hell. I mean hiatus :))

Enjoy. xx

Kurt laid awake that night. It was extremely difficult to fall asleep. His head throbbed from earlier on the field today.

One of the tattoos led them to an abandoned house that contained 20 children. His heart ached as he remembered Taylor around that age, so happy and full of life while those kids were malnutrition and slept on the floor. It was a saddening experience. Jane couldn't contain her emotions as much, she broke down right there remembering her own flashback of all those children.

Kurt gripped her tightly trying to comfort her that he hadn't seen one of the abductors slip back inside the house shooting five of the children point blank then attacking him. Jane was shoved out of the way and his head slammed against the hard door

Jane quickly composed herself and took all of them out in less than 2 minutes.

The thought of her being completely badass formed a smile on his lips

He shook his head as his thoughts ran on her. Usually he would push away any thoughts of her but tonight he let it consume him.

She was insanely beautiful, if only she knew that. He couldn't help but admire the way her face flustered when they made eye contact, the way she smiles at him at the least expected moments. God, she was beautiful.

He especially loved the way she loved him. They have been dating secretly for about 2 months

From the moment she kissed him at his house he knew he'd never be able to let her go. Not ever. He didn't want to

He loved her just as much. They frequently discussed what it would mean for them to be dating and working together. They hadn't really gotten in depth with the situation.

But tonight he was thinking alot of it

 _Go to sleep, Kurt_. He scolded

 _She loves you, that should be enough_

 _But is it though?_

He didn't think it was wise what he was doing - what they were doing.

It shouldn't have been allowed but yet he allowed it. She doesn't even remember herself and he practically forced her into a relationship with him. She didn't need that kind of pressure. She was already pressured enough with the whole incident

 _Shit. I didn't even ask her how she felt - how she really felt_

He glanced over at the clock that stood firm on his bed stand

2:06am it read. He sighed and picked up his phone half hoping she was still awake, half hoping she wasn't

Quickly swallowing the lump in his throat he started dialing her number before he could talk himself out of it.

She picked up almost instantly he smiled a bit when she actually sounded happy that he called

"Why aren't you asleep?" He asked trying to sound stern but it sounded more of concern and worry

"I'm okay, Kurt" she whispered, hearing him sigh on the other end of the line

"But I could ask you the same. Why are you still up?" She sat up at this point

"Can't sleep" he just shrugged simply

"Hm. Tell me all about it -"

"Are you happy, Jane? with me, with us?' He asked quickly, interrupting her

She could hear the strain in his voice but there was something else there too

"Kurt" was all she could breathe out

He rubbed his fingers against his temples, he allowed a long sigh before he spoke again

"Jane, I love you but I'm just worried. I don't think we -"

The tears she was blinking back so aggressively were now stinking her eyes as she fought to find her words to return the favour by interrupting him as he did her earlier

"I love you too. I love you so much. What's wrong, Kurt? Is there someone else?" Her voice cracked out at this point she was crying openly.

He heard her struggle to keep her emotions at bay. He was hurting her - he knew that but she needed to listen to his reasoning

"Baby" he whispered gently, wishing he could kiss those tears away.

He wanted to hold her close to his heart and let her know that it beats only for her but he needed to keep her safe, he needed to protect her.

"I love you. There's no one else, I promise but we can't do this" he answered shakily.

He could hear her sniffles and movements before she said 'okay'

The way she spoke pained him. It shredded his heart but he couldn't focus with their secret affair over his head. He needed to be focused and prepared and he needed to protect her at all cost.

"Kurt?" He heard her whisper

"Yes? Tell me" it pained him so much to know that he was breaking her but he wanted to protect and he didn't want her to become an unnecessary target. He didn't want anyone targeting her to get to him. He needed her safe, even if that meant keeping her at arm's length

"I know you don't wanna talk about whatever's bothering you and I understand. I hope you find everything that you need and when you find you come back to me" her voice cracked so much but she fought through it. She had to remain strong through this

She knew she couldn't face seeing him at work everyday now so she planned to resign, to visit another country and start over.

"I love you, Jane" he hasn't realized he was crying too until he felt the tears slide down his cold cheek.

"I love you too" and with that she hung up

Their actions mirrored each other.

They both tossed and turned; unable to sleep, unable to breathe without winching

They both needed each other - they were each other's air but it couldn't go on. He had to move on. He had to keep her safe

Jane's alarm blared at 5am. She had barely fallen asleep about 40 minutes ago. Her eyes were bloodshot red considering she had basically cried herself to sleep. She got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower. She let herself cry and scream all she wanted to since no one could hear her under the pressure of the water drumming onto her back.

It took her 30 minutes to get dressed. She needed to see him, hug him one more time before she left for good but she didn't think she could.

She immediately went downstairs to grab some breakfast and went down to her detail so that they could take her to work.

It seemed like an awfully long ride to the office. She gripped her resignation letter tightly. When they finally got there she tried to fix her appearance in the rear view, her eyes were red and swollen. It was obvious she had been crying.

She marched straight to Mayfair's office.

"Good morning" she tried to smile at her boss but it didn't work

Mayfair eyed her suspiciously. "You're early. Are you okay?"

Mayfair asked she was worried now as she looked at the visibly broken woman standing before her

"I'm okay, I just came to give this to you" she outstretched her hands to Mayfair as she picked as the invisible lint on her sweater

She stood there for what felt like an eternity before the woman spoke up again

"Sit down, Jane." Her tone was different now

It was gentler and concerned

"Look at me" she requests softly

Jane slowly raised her head to reach her eyes.

Mayfair held her hands in hers "What's bothering you?"

"I just need to go. I hope you understand but I can't be here anymore" she whispered quietly before she excused herself rambling on about saying goodbye to the rest of the team before she left

She made her way to Patterson.

She walked over to the blonde genius and wrapped her into a tight hug

"Oh! Good morning to you too, Jane" she chuckled lightly before she saw Jane's pained expression as she pulled back

"What's wrong?" They all had the same questions but she couldn't even tell them. She didn't think she was allowed to

Then she heard Tasha's voice. So she was in a room with two of her girlfriends. They both gave her own time before she explained as they saw how broken she was

"What happened, Jane" Tasha asked after some time

"I'm leaving the FBI" jane whispered, flinching as she heard both women in unison "What?!"

She just shrugged and hung her head low. It was getting difficult to hold the tears back at this point so instead of fighting she just lets it go

She slid down and let her cries rock through her body. She shook as she pulled her knees up to her face

Part of her hoped they knew so she wouldn't have to explain

They both just went over to hug her. They all just sat in silence like that for awhile until Jane finally speaks up

"I need a fresh start. I just want to leave this, she motioned at her tattoos, behind."

Patterson nodded understandingly

But Tasha, she knew. Of course Tasha knew

"What did he do, Jane?"

Confusion flooded the black haired, tattooed woman

"What are you -" she was cut off by the raise of Tasha's hand

"Kurt. I know you guys have something going on. Did he do something to you?"

Jane remained silent and just hugged her knees

"Jane!"

"We broke up" she was sure they couldn't hear her because of softly she spoke but they did

Her coworkers shared knowing looks before pulling her back into a hug

"Take your time. We'll be here when you get back I know I don't have to tell you this but be careful and be safe"

She hugged them back tightly and talked about how much she'll miss them - all of them.

"Give me a few weeks I'll make contact after I'm settled"

They all stood up and exchanged another tearful hug

In a split second she was gone. She didn't know where she was going but she got back into the car and instructed the driver to take her to a bus stop

She had been saving whatever money she got from the FBI and from Kurt.

Even though she mentioned several times that she didn't need his money

He'd still leave a wad of cash for her to find when she woke up

She never spent it, never needed to. But right now she did

She took all of it into an envelope and got on a bus.

She didn't know where to but she'd get there eventually

"Good morning" Kurt said as he greeted his coworkers they all muffled a quiet response and just stared at him

Tasha, glared at him. She huffed as she walked right past him

"What's wrong with her? Did she break up with her boyfriend? He joked but no one laughed with him

He straighten up "what's wrong, guys?"

No one answered him, instead they just busied themselves with odd work

He knew something was wrong with them but he'd find out that later

"Kurt, a minute" He glanced up to see Mayfair at the door with a letter in hand

He quickly made his way over to her "Good morning"

"Morning, look at this"

His eyes scanned the paper. He drew in breathe as all the horrible thoughts flooded his mind.

"Where is she?" He asked calmly

"I don't know. She said she needs to start over" Mayfair explained briefly

Kurt leaped out of the office and went straight to Patterson's lab

"Where is she?" He asked a little more forcefully this time

"Who?" Patterson asked even though she was certain he meant Jane

"Jane. You know she resigned, where'd she go? Can you track her phone" he pleaded

Patterson let out a long sigh "I'm not going to track her. She's hurting and she needs her own time. She said she'll call in a few weeks"

Did I hurt her so much that she felt the need to flee? From the only people she knows ? Kurt thought sadly to himself.

And that's it, folks!

Thank you so much to those that take time to read this mess. Lol

I would love to hear your thoughts

If it was somewhat enjoyable I will continue

Thanks again!


	2. Chapter 2

It's been 2 months since Jane left the FBI - since she left him. Her kurt, her whole heart.

She got a cute little house in Salt Lake, Utah. She needed to get as far away from them as possible.

It was necessary but she missed him. It was a struggle for her to not pick up her phone and call him.

She hasn't called anyone but she had promised Patterson that she'd call after a few weeks and decided that today would be the day for that.

She was lying on her couch in front of the fireplace with a blanket covering the bottom half of her body and a book in hand. She'd been doing alot of reading since she hasn't been doing anything else. She fiddled with the phone between her fingers before dialing her friend's number.

It rang twice before she picked up

"Hello? This is Patterson" Patterson says briefly

Jane just chuckled at how professional she sounds

"Hey you"

She heard the woman gasp on the other end of the line

"A few weeks, huh?" She scolded but from the sound of her voice Jane knew she was teasing.

"God, I've missed you. We all have" Patterson exclaims

She sounded like a kid who finally got the candy they've been wanting for weeks

"I miss you guys too. How's the gang?"

"Would it be okay to put you on speaker? I'm sure everyone wants to say hi. Patterson pleaded

Jane shifted in her seat, she knew she'd have to face Kurt eventually but she was never fully prepared.

"Where is he?" She asked softly

"He's with Tasha and Reade. They're going over some paperwork. He doesn't have to know if that's what you're worried about" Patterson tried to reassure her

She could've hugged her right now. Patterson has always been the sweetest person.

"It's alright. I have to face him eventually"

"Okay! Let me gather them! This is so exciting"

Jane could've help the smile that formed on her lips. She loved those dorks - all of them.

She heard Patterson call them all into the conference room doing her best to convince them that she was connecting them to a lead on their biggest case yet.

Jane could hardly contain her laughter on how much of an amazing actress she was

"Okay guys, here we go" Patterson prepares

"Agents Reade, Zapata and Weller, what can you tell me about the case?" Jane asked professionally, surprised she hadn't messed that up

"Jane! Omg how've you been? Where have you been? What's been -"

Tasha rambled on before Jane interrupted her "I missed you too, Tash"

"You said a few weeks, it's been 2 months!"

"That's exactly what I told her." Patterson squeals and they all laughed at how excited she was

They all exchanged light chatter. Jane spoke about her living conditions and Reade wouldn't stop laughing after she told him her days consist of reading all the books she could find

"You went from badass to domestic in 2 months" he finally managed to choke out between laugher

They all chatted except for Kurt. He had just been there listening on, listening to her laugh with the others.

He wasn't sure she'd want to talk to him after what he'd done. He still hadn't forgiven himself

He knows that he hurt her and he didn't think he deserved her.

After they all spoke and left the conference room

Jane finally asks what she's been dying to ask for those two months

"Where's Kurt?"

"He's here. I'll let you guys talk"

She took the phone off of speaker, handed it to Weller and left; giving them their own privacy.

Weller reluctantly took the phone and slowly brought it to his ears

"Hi Jane"

The sound of his voice after all those months still makes her weak at the knees

"I missed you" she whispered

"Come back. Please" he pleased

"Not right now. But you should come visit me"

"Of course when? Where?"

"When you're done with work I'll text you the address. Keep this between us, okay?"

"Thank you for this" he says finally before he hung over up. He busied himself with his work before he went home to take a quick shower

The drive to Jane's house was a long one. It felt strange saying _Jane's house_. It should've been their house. The two of them together - maybe with a kid made completely of the two of them.

She answered the door almost instantly. He stood there in awe as he took her in. Her hair was shorter now but she was exceptionally beautiful - even more beautiful if possible.

"Are you gonna stand out here all night or will you come in ?" She stepped away from the door to give him access to the house.

Her house was simple but it was beautiful. Her walls were a soft turquoise colour adored with a flat screen TV that scratch from the wall to the floor and a comfy set of furniture.

There were also two stacked bookshelves. He smiled as he pictured her laid up in bed with a book

"Where'd you get the money for this?"

"Oh I had a habit of scamming my boyfriend into giving me half of his salary even though we worked for the same amount of money" she said jokingly

But he didn't smile with her instead he looked apologetic he opened this mouth to say something before she interrupted him asking about work.

He rambled on about his new position and how hectic it could he sometimes

"Old habits die hard" he joked motioning to her clothes

She was claded in a white T-shirt and track pants

"Mine even harder"

"Jane, I know we left things a little rough but I thought of you everyday. It was killing me not knowing where you were or how you were"

she cupped his cheek gently and scooted over to plant a kiss on his lips, then his forehead before moving her head to his chest. He wrapped his arm loosely around her waist. She twirled her fingers on his chest.

He dipped his head down to kiss her on the lips, she nibbled at his bottom lip, forcing him to open his mouth so she can battle with his tongue. She deepen the kiss and he responded by pulling her impossibly closer to him.

She pulled away to catch her breath before kissing him lightly on his cheeks.

"Just hold me" she asked looking up at him

He hugged her tighter and kissed her neck repeatedly, rubbing her back in circular movements.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked gently still rubbing her back

It took her awhile before she spoke again

"Do you love me, Kurt?"

He almost laughed out loud at her ridiculous question but he didn't want to upset her so he just simply responded with "I love you. You know that"

She went quiet again.

He loosened his grip on her before asking again what the problem was

"Were you happy with me?" He didn't know why she was asking questions she clearly had answers to but he answered her questions regardless.

He nudged her slightly pleading with her to tell him what was bothering her.

"I'm pregnant, Kurt" she said barely in a whisper


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt stared at her wide eyed. I mean sure they used protection except - except for that one night they didn't. To be fair they did have four rounds of sex without any kind of protection that night, but it still came as a shock. He heard her words repeat in his head like a prayer

 _I'm pregnant, Kurt._

"How long have you known?" He asked trying to remain cool but the way his grip tighten around her waist she knew he was anything but.

"I found out 3 days after I left. I was puking up my guts and it was awful" she whispered into his chest - she had tried her best to avoid any kind of eye contact.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" He was certain he knew the answer but he needed to hear it from her.

He felt the way her heart quickened it's pace against his chest.

When she didn't answer he knew she didn't plan on telling him at all.

He lifted her chin with his finger so she was forced to look at him

"You were going to keep this from me, weren't you?" He was angry now - not at her, he could never be angry with her.

He was angry because he broke up with her. He was angry because she was going to keep their child from him because of he treated her; how he hurt her

And he was so angry at himself.

"I don't know" she got up out of the couch they were sitting in and went over to the window and he believed her, she didn't know

"Look if this is about what happened I'm sorry that I hurt you but I thought I was doing the right thing please Jane, I'm sorry"

She had her back to him and was silent the entire time. He sighed rubbing his fingers on his temple he was tired and needed so much rest right now but he needed her too. He needed her to know that he wants this baby too. He wants to be involved. He wanted to marry her and have their own little house because he loved her and has always loved her.

He made his way over to her and carefully moved his hands to cup her stomach there was already a slight raise but the T-shirt was big enough that he hasn't noticed

He gasped at the feel of it - the life they unknowingly created; the life he couldn't wait to see.

He pressed his lips to her neck before turning her to face him

"I want this baby just as much as I want you. Please don't shut me out" he pleaded with desperate eyes

She scoffed at that and wriggled her way of his grip "You must not want her very much then because if I remember correctly you called me at 2am to break up with me"

"Her?" _It's a girl._ He instantly perked up. He hadn't heard anything else except for the fact that he'd have a daughter. He was excited but also so afraid after what happened to Taylor. Jane broke him out of the intensity of his thoughts

"Didn't you hear me? And I don't know I'll find out at my appointment later next month. I just hope it is. I hope the baby is a she" she answered with a slight smile on her face

"Jane" was all he managed to say but it was enough to make her look at him, really look at him.

He had bags the size of goofballs under his eyes and he looked really tired

"You look awful. Have you been sleeping properly or at all?" She questioned but she knows he hasn't

"Not since you left me" he stifled back a yawn

She was mad now. She threw the nearest book at him "I left you? You're not serious are you?"

He could've sworn he saw smoke come out of her ears

He backed up knowing she had a perfectly good aim and if she wanted to she'd hit him in the face with one of her many books

"Baby, that's not what I meant. I just meant since you left the bed is empty without you and it makes it difficult to fall asleep"

Her expressed soften but she was still upset

"If it weren't for the baby I wouldn't be asleep many nights too" she whispered turning back to the window.

"I missed you, you know. You just ended it without even properly explaining why I thought you loved me. I guess I was wrong" she was crying now and made no effort to hide it.

He made his way over to her, got on his knees and held on tightly to her waist

"You can't say that. Don't even think it of course I love you I just worried about work and you. I couldn't balance" he pleaded with her. He begged her to look at him but she had her back to the window and just cried. She listened to his pleas but she wasn't exactly hearing them.

They stayed like that for what left like hours before Kurt got up from where he was and spoke again

"I know I hurt you and I don't deserve you at all but please call me when the baby is born. Please let me see the baby" and with that he was gone. Gone into the night - **gone from her.**

Her cries shook her. She slid down right there and just cried.

She wonders if she made a mistake in just letting him walk out like that.

She got up and peaked outside the window she wasn't surprised at what she saw. Kurt had pushed the seat all the way back so he could lay there. She saw him pull out what looked like a blanket to wrap himself in.

 _He is ridiculous_ she thought to herself. _He's gonna get pneumonia out there_

She gave off a loud sigh before she went out to the car to get him. He was already asleep so she took this moment to watch him. He looked exhausted his face was puffy. She watched the slight rise and fall of his chest for sometime before she rapped gently on the window.

He jumped up immediately and yelled at her for being out in the cold.

"You're gonna get yourself sick! what about the baby? You'll get her sick too"

She just smiled at him. _That beautiful idiot - she loved him and she knows that he loves her._

"Just come inside, Kurt" she asked gently

He followed her back into the house and set him down in front of the fire place. His teeth were chattering and he was red in the face from the cold. She snuggled up against him wrapping her arms around his neck

She didn't know how she managed this long without any of this. His soft touches, his gently kisses. She loved him; all of him and they were going to have a baby together. They made a family together

She intertwined their fingers before moving it to her stomach where the slight bump was. He could never get tired of feeling that new life.

"I love you" he whispered in her hair

"I love you too" she snuggled closer to him and listened to his heart. He had such a good heart.

"Come on, let's go to bed" she urges

He never thought he'd hear those words from her again. It was like music to his ears. He followed her up to the room before he had a chance to comment on the room her lips were on his. It wasn't hungry or lustful, it was just full of love and he couldn't - he wouldn't ask for more.

He wished he could do more but he was tired and she knew it so they just laid together; invading each other's spaces but they didn't mind.

Kurt held her firmly in his arms planting her with all the kisses before he felt his eyes get heavy and before she knew it he was fast asleep and after some time so was she.

I try to update as soon as possible because I know we're all suffering through this hiatus.

Thank you all for the nice comments you've been lovely.


	4. Chapter 4

This morning wasn't gray, but by soothing lavender and brilliant amber. The colors merged into neon pink and peach. Kurt was jolted out of his sleep at 6am. Jane leaped out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom he could hear her emptying her stomach from where he lay. He felt sick to his stomach by just listening to her. He sat up in the bed with his face in his hands. "Are you okay?" He asked groggily

"Sure! I'm just puking up my insides. No big deal" he could hear her annoyance.

He sighed and went into the bathroom to reach her.

She was already at the sink brushing her teeth when he appeared. He just went over to join her; they brushed their teeth in silence before he cupped her face in his hands and placed a soft kiss on her nose "I'm sorry" he whispered against her cheek.

"You should be. I need two minutes - just two - " but she was interrupted by a rise in her throat. She motioned for him to go outside and leave her to attend to her obviously unsettled stomach. But he stayed with her and rubbed her back in circular motion until she was finally done, atleast for now.

He left her to take a shower while he went downstairs to get breakfast ready he didn't exactly know how morning sickness worked. When Sarah was pregnant he wasn't around as much as they didn't live together so he wasn't educated on how the sickness operated.

It took a few minutes before she joined him. She made her way over to him and kissed him lightly "Good morning" she said smiling up at him

"Morning. How's your stomach?" He asked gently placing his hands on her rise. He couldn't help the smile that crept up on his lips as he felt his child. Their baby.

She just shrugged and said she'd be making several trips to the bathroom throughout the day and argued that she didn't know why they called it morning sickness because it was an 'all day sickness'

Even the opening of the refrigerator became an occupational hazard. Just the smell of tuna - a food she normally loved, made her heave.

"What do you normally eat?" He asked clearly annoyed when almost everything in the fridge made her gag

"Pizza. And more pizza" was all she said

"All day?" He questioned slightly raising an eyebrow

She just nodded eagerly and gave him the numbers used to order. She made him order 3 large boxes of cheese pizza and watched in amusement as she ate almost all of it.

They engaged in light prattle before she turned to face him; her eyes serious "We're gonna need to tell them"

He knew who she meant but he wasn't sure he wanted to. He liked what they had and he especially liked that it was away from prying eyes.

He knew better than to argue with especially now that her hormones made her crazy but he wouldn't dare say that to her.

"Who do you want to tell first?" He asked stroking her cheek. She turned into the palm of the hand and kissed it before speaking again

"Sarah"

Her answer shocked him he thought for sure that she was going to say Patterson or Tasha.

"She's your sister. We tell her first then we tell my sisters or they'll never forgive me"

He stalled by washing up the dishes before he finally mustered up the courage to call his sister.

Sarah answered on the third ring. "Hey, big brother. Where have you been?" She teased.

He immediately regretted calling her she was never going to let this go

"We need to talk" he said more seriously

"What's wrong?" concern dripping from her voice

He chuckled quietly at how easily bothered she was by everything

"Everything's fine. I'm just calling to let you you're gonna be an aunt" he pulled Jane closer and kissed her.

"Jane's pregnant? Omg I need to start planning a baby shower and -"

She rambled.

"Wait! Wait. Slow down. How did you even know about Jane and I?" He interrupted

He heard her laugh on the other end before she finally said "It was obvious and Sawyer told me about your little kiss" she managed to choke out between her laughter.

Of course Sawyer told his mom. The kid couldn't keep a secret

He looked over at Jane to see her red in the face she was doing her best to hold in a laugh threatening to erupt from her lips.

"Hi Jane" Sarah greeted knowingly

"Hey Sarah"

"You guys should come over later. I'll cook"

"That's okay, sis. We'll bring something over. We don't need another fire" Kurt teased. He could practically hear her scowl on the other line

"That was ONE TIME, brother and it was three years ago" she said with a sigh

Kurt just laughed and they said their goodbyes

"You know she's never gonna let you live in peace now"

Jane grabbed the phone and dialed Patterson's main line. She grabbed Kurt's hands for support and he gave her squeeze and a slight nod

When she finally connected to Patterson she avoided the topic by talking about everything else before she finally got the blonde woman to shut up and listen to her

"So I'm pregnant"

The line went silent for a second before Patterson erupted into a loud shriek

"Does anyone else know?" She asked frantically

"What about Kurt? Does he know? Omg this is exciting" Jane couldn't help but laugh her outburst

"Sarah knows, you were next and yes Kurt knows"

Patterson could hardly contain her excitement. She called Tasha over to where she was standing and basically screamed that Jane had some news for her.

"Jesus Patterson!" Tasha huffed

"Hey Jane. How are you?" Tasha asked the dark haired woman

"Pregnant" Jane responded

"Oh that's awesome - wait what?!"

Tasha almost dropped her coffee when it finally registered to her what Jane had said

"You're pregnant? That fantastic! I'm so happy for you both"

The phone calls were kept short because the team had to head back to work and Jane was getting tired.

Kurt led her upstairs and gently placed her on the bed. He reached over to pull the covers over her. She reached out and grabbed his wrist "stay with me" she pleaded

He just nodded and when under the covers beside her. She moved her head to rest on his chest and kissed him deeply.

Her fingers traced down his chest and down into his boxers

He stiffen under her touch.

She removed her clothing swiftly until she was bare under the covers. He brought his mouth to her nipples and sucked gently on her already hard nipples making her moan slightly.

She moved one of his hands and guided it exactly where she needed it to be. He sucked in a breath at how wet and ready she was

Slowly he guided a finger into her earning another moan out of her

He began thrusting deeper into her feeling her quiver under him. He felt her tighten around him but pulled out before she exploded into his hands.

"Kurt" her voice was strained and pleading. "Please"

"Not yet. I'm determined to reach my goal tonight."

She bit back a moan and said, "Which goal is that?"

She jerked as he licked a spot on her breast.

"My goal is to kiss every inch of your body."

He caressed her naked body, making her yearn for the completion his blue eyes promised, melting her in his arms

Kurt fondled her breasts and clitoris until she exploded in orgasm. Her release slammed through her, leaving her shaking and sobbing his name. He gently kissed the tears from her cheeks, then held her gaze as he slid inside her.

"Kurt!" she breathed on a luxurious sigh.

"Oh God!" He quivered there, prolonging the moment – then he began to move, undone by her fire, torn to shreds by the passion she ripped out of him. Her wet heat engulfed him, burned him, caressed him to the point of insanity. Soon he was plunging madly, lost in her, and completely unaware of his surroundings.

She screamed his name, her nails digging into his back as she arched one last time before collapsing under him, shuddering convulsively.

"I love you! I – !" The groan tore out from deep inside his chest as his release surged through him, flinging him briefly into a place full of light and sound before leaving him gasping and gathering her close, trembling and shaken.

She glanced up at him after a few minutes to see that his eyes were nearly closed, the deep blue clouded with passion. There was no sign of the haunted expression he had worn earlier, and she smiled softly and kissed his chest.

He shuddered and pulled her up to kiss her grinning mouth.

"I love you" she whispered against his mouth.

"I love you more"

"Impossible" he smiled against her hair and they laid there until sleep claimed them.


	5. Chapter 5

It's been 4 months since Kurt learned Jane was pregnant with his child.

She moved into his home and Sarah had gotten a place about a block from where she originally resided. She was adamant about being close so she could help out Jane when she couldn't exactly help herself.

Their baby was due in about 2 months but Kurt was on his toes about everything. He wanted everything to be perfect for when that time came. The hormones were affecting him more than they were her.

"Jane!" He yelled up the stairs. He grew frantic when she didn't answer him

He drew out a long sigh before he jogged up the stairs knocking slightly on the door before he headed in. His eyes scanned the room but he didn't see her anywhere - his brows creased as he grew more worried by the minute.

"Come on baby, we need to go!" He said again a little firmer this time but still nothing.

He turned on his heels to go back downstairs when he heard muffle cries coming from the nursery

He made his way over slowly.

She was curled up in the baby's room crying. It came as a shock to him because she was always so calm and prepared. He hesitated before he went over to her; he knew in these moments when she was upset she wanted to be left alone.

He reluctantly wrapped his arms around her. She didn't try to push him away she just molded into his arms and cried silently as she gripped his jacket tightly.

"I'm scared, Kurt" she said finally

He knew what she meant. Some nights she would have terrible nightmares that left her a quivering mess against his chest. She never talked about it and he never pushed. He tried his best to kiss all of her tears away before pulling her closer to him.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked gently brushing her dark hair out of her face

She nodded slowly.

"I've been having nightmares."she started

This he knew, but he hugged her tighter urging her to continue

"There was so much blood. Kurt - the baby"

"-is okay" he interrupted "She's fine. Now you just need to be fine" he assured. She glanced up at him and gave him a slight smile before nodding.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to. I'll tell Sarah you aren't up for a visit today"

Jane just chuckled lightly before she said "Sarah will never forgive me. It's okay I'm fine"

He had a concerned look on his face but he flashed her a smile before he agreed to take her.

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When they finally reached Sarah's house she crushed her into a hug.

"Oh hi Sarah. Nice to see you too" Jane said in between breathes

She winced when Sarah pulled away

"I'm sorry. I'm just so happy to see you" Sarah grinned before motioning her to come inside.

They said their goodbyes to Kurt and sat down to talk

She offered Jane some juice before they got to talking

"Are you guys having enough sex?" Sarah asked as soon as she sat down

Jane almost spit out her juice at how blunt Sarah was.

They've have sex conversations so many times in the past but it always surprised Jane at how easily Sarah talked about it.

"It's necessary" Sarah shrugged

Jane cleared her throat before she shifted her eyes back to the blonde beauty who was eagerly waiting for the details.

"The sex is fine, Sarah. It always is"

"You've said that but how different is it? How often do you guys rip eachother's clothes off" she smirked into her drink.

What Jane would do right now for a bourbon. But she was stuck with juice and honestly it wasn't as bad as she always thought it was.

"Not as much as I'd like, I'll tell you that much. Usually I'd think five times a day was a little much not it's not nearly enough" Jane said calmly before bringing her glass back to her lips

Sarah stared at her wide eyed before she broke into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

"Wow. Y'all are busy"

Sarah caught herself staring at her - again.

"What Sarah?" Jane asked letting out a long sigh

"I think 'Maya' is cute" She suggested. They had been going over baby names since they found out the sex of the baby. Kurt wouldn't stop smiling when they found out they were having a girl.

In his free time he'd just snuggle up next to her and talk to the baby. He'd cover Jane's stomach with kisses and light caresses.

Even when she was asleep he'd keep his hands on her stomach.

She loved the way he loved her and their daughter. Seeing him so gentle made her emotional more times that she could count.

"Mhm. It is cute but I don't think so" Jane answered wriggling her nose

Sarah let out an exasperated sigh. This was like the tenth name she suggested that she didn't like or didn't want her daughter to be called

"You're annoying" Sarah teased.

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Jane was finally home after two hours of Sarah talking about sex and suggesting baby names she didn't care for. She took a long hot shower; her limbs ached as the water scalded her skin. She felt the tight knots loosen in her back. She had a difficulty finding a comfortable spot at night.

Kurt tried to help her out but she was always so irritated that she'd just yell at him every night until he started sleeping in the guest room.

The next morning she apologized and let him hold her at nights and tried to calmly tell him when she was uncomfortable.

They made it work for sometime but as her pregnancy progressed it got alot more difficult to do alot of things on her own. The only time Kurt and her were close when was she wanted sex other than that it felt like he smothered her; he called all day from work to just 'say hi'

She loved him of course, but being pregnant wasn't as easy as they made it seem in the movies.

She heard the door and quickly got out to get dressed.

She was claded in an oversized white T-shirt.

Kurt walked into their shared bedroom tugging at his tie angrily

"Hey" she greeted him, jerking him out of this thoughts

A sad smile formed on his lips before he said "Goodnight, did you have a nice time with Sarah today?" The way he spoke to her made her uneasy. He didn't reach out to hug her like he usually did

He didn't kiss her. He just froze where he was standing and didn't move.

"It was good. We discussed baby names" she tried to make light conversation

He finally moved off and removed the rest of his clothing

"Did you hear anything you like?" He said as he tried his best to avoid her gaze before throwing a towel over his shoulder and walking into the bathroom without even sparing her a second glance.

 _What is wrong with him?_ She thought sadly

She waited for him to come out. But he didn't

She waited up for an hour just so she could ask him what was wrong but when he didn't come out she shifted under the covers and tried to go to sleep.

She heard him come out after sometime so she pretended to be asleep. She heard him sigh and picked up a pillow before he rested his hands gently on her stomach trying his best to keep steady so he wouldn't wake her.

"Goodnight baby" he whispered to her stomach

She grabbed his fingers placed on stomach and turned to face him. She cupped his face gently

"What's wrong?"

He flinched at her touch before placing his hands gently on hers and dropped it down to her stomach

"I'm just tired, Jane. Goodnight" he placed a soft kiss on her cheeks and turned his back to her. He had given her majority of the bed.

She reached out to grab his shoulder

"Kurt. Please" she pleaded

He turned to face her "Look Jane, as much as I'd love to have sex with you I need to -"

"I don't want sex. I just want you" she interrupted. She's been doing alot of interrupting lately

He sighed and moved in closer to kiss her. His lips barely brushing hers

"I'm tired, okay? Please just let me sleep"

She just nodded and turned her back to him.

He wanted to reach out to her and hold her but she hasn't been letting him even look at her longer than she'd like. She was so annoyed at him lately and he didn't have any idea on now to fix it. So he started distancing himself but she hadn't even noticed until he came home from work and she used him for sex. He really loved her and wanted her to be comfortable always but she made it seem like she didn't need much of him anymore and that was like driving a knife through his heart.

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I smelled the pancakes before my other senses registered their presence. The homey smell of frying butter reached my nostrils and assaulted my brain with mouthwatering images of fluffy, warm goodness. I walked into the kitchen to see Jane frying pancakes and humming a familiar tune, unaware of my presence. I crept up behind her quietly snatching a piece of the heavenly goodness off of the plate. She turned to me and smiled slightly "Good morning"

"Morning" I said before walking over to grab a cup of coffee

"How'd you sleep?" He turned to face her, the confusion slapped into his face. She never asked how he slept in all of the time they've been together.

He looked at her as though she had just declared herself to be a flying purple cow.

"What did you say?" He asked puzzled

She just brushed it off and made it known that she made him pancakes. His favourite. He just looked at her in awe. When she noticed he wasn't going to say anything more she walked right past him but turned back to look at him one more

"I love you, Kurt. Always" and with that she was gone. He heard her crawl up the stairs and closed the door quietly behind her.

They were both torturing themselves. They both thought the other didn't care for them anymore. They were so convinced that the other person was unhappy but the truth of the matter was that they were both insanely in love with each other but the hormones got in the way.

It made Jane realize that Kurt was a good man. He loved her and she pushed him so far over the edge until he didn't care anymore

It made Kurt realize that Jane loved him but her emotions were all over the place and it was childish of him to assume otherwise.

He chucked lightly at how he's been ignoring her for almost an entire week for something she had no control over.

He ran up their bedroom and found her sitting on their bed talking to the baby. He could hear her sniffles; she'd been crying.

"Hey baby. It's your mom" he listened to her quietly share a one sided conversation with their daughter, it made him smile a bit but he hung on to every word

"You're the only one I can talk to who'll actually listen. Your dad - I think he's angry with me. I don't really blame him but it's gotten lonely"

He heard her draw in a long breath. He didn't have to look at her to know she was crying.

He knocked gently on the door and saw her scramble to wipe her tears away before she turned to face him smiling slightly. If he hadn't heard her crying her eyes out just now he'd be convinced that she was absolutely okay. That made him wonder what else she could've been hiding from him.

"Hi" her voice sounded hoarse

He just walked over and kissed her hungrily.

By the time they pulled away they were both gasping for breath

"I love you, Jane. You know that" he whispered against her lips

"Kurt. What about Ava?"

He grinned at that, even laughed a little.

"That's perfect. Ava Weller"


	6. Chapter 6

Cold licked at her face and crept under her clothes, spreading across her skin like the lacy tide on a frigid winter beach. With purple lips tinged with blue and gently chattering teeth she wrapped her arms tightly around Kurt's shoulder and pulled him closer. He voluntarily wrapped his arms around her waist and gently brought her even closer to him.

"You're cold" he said more a statement than a question.

She just nodded against his chest before she reached up to kiss his cheek. Even in the dark, she saw his smile that made it's way up his eyes.

"I got you" he said against her hair and whispered sweet nothings into her ear until he felt her grip around his neck loosen slightly indicating that she had fallen asleep. The baby was due to arrive any day now. They were both eagerly awaiting the arrival of their daughter. Jane still had nightmares sometimes but Kurt was always there to calm her down.

xxx

The scream tore through me like a great shard of glass. I felt my eyes widen and pulse quicken, my heart thudding like a rock rattling in box. The scream came again, desperate, terrified.

"The baby!" was all she gasped but it was more than enough to let him know what was happening - she was in labour. He frantically rushed over to her; he didn't know what it was he was meant to do but he tried to make her comfortable by laying her on her back.

Her screams pierced his ears. He picked up the phone quickly to call their doctor. He wasn't sure how he made it through the conversation but before he knew it she was being carried away into her already prepared hospital room while he waited outside. He heard her scream out his name repeatedly- not the way she did when he was buried deep inside her. This cry was desperate, pleading. She needed him.

It was a few minutes more of her cries until a doctor walked into the hall where he waited with a sad smile.

He was already panicking as it is what more is there.

The doctor motioned him to take a seat but he refused saying he'd much rather stand. She nodded politely before she began talking in a hushed tone.

"She's stable for now but there are some complications. The baby is stressed" she explained quietly.

His heart dropped all the way to his toes when the doctor explained that they could only save one; his wife or his daughter.

"What kind of choice is that? He asked loudly, either way I lose"

She just looked at him with sad eyes we've already explained the situation to her. We'll leave you two alone to decide.

And with that she left.

He made his way over to her room and saw her tucked under thin covers. The tears were streaming down her face when she reached out for him. He hugged her tightly and let her cry against his chest; soaking his shirt but that wasn't important at this point. When she finally calmed down she pulled out of his embrace and held his gaze for what felt like forever before dropping it to her stomach.

"Save Ava, Kurt" she whispered

He didn't know what was worse her choosing to die for her child or her leaving Ava without a mother.

"We can have another baby. I can't find another you" he whispered her face. His breath hot against her skin.

He was crying with her at this point. He felt so defeated.

"Kurt, you'll always have a piece of me in our baby girl just tell her everyday that mommy loved her more than she'd ever understand. Please Kurt" her voice now raw from crying. It hurt her throat to speak but she needed him to hear her.

"I won't be able to live without you. We can have ten more babies just don't leave me." His voice cracked at that and she just looked at him. "Kurt please."

"No" he shouted causing her to jump back.

"I won't let you go. Please If you love me at all you won't do this" his entire face was now decorated with the tears that flown from his eyes now.

"You can't say that. Of course I love you" she cried

They spent their time saying tender I love yous to each other. They were both a mess when the doctor came back.

"You have to try and save both of them if you can't just save her. Don't let her convince you otherwise" he demanded. He dipped his head to kiss her softly before he left the room to let the doctors work a miracle.

 _Jane and Ava will be coming home with me._ He whispered it like prayer. He got down on his knees right there to pray for a safe delivery. He prayed for both of his girls to be okay.

It had been hours since he last saw Jane. The room was still.

He grew worrier by the minute.

"Mr. Weller?" a soft voice broke him out of his thoughts

He turned around to see a different doctor to one who had previously spoken to him.

"Are they okay?" He croaked out

xxx

Y'all hate me, right? I know I'd hate me too

Can someone say 'cliffhanger' ?

As always thank you so much for reading. I'd love to hear your reviews :) xx


	7. Chapter 7

A/N ; I hadn't realized that I didn't included the part of the story where Jane & Kurt got married. It happened in one of my many massive jumps

I hope it doesn't change anything.

xxx

Are they okay?

Silence gnawed at his insides. Silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground. The silence was like a gaping void, needing to be filled with sounds, words, anything. The silence was poisonous in it's nothingness, cruelly underscoring how vapid their conversation had become. The silence was eerily unnatural, like a dawn devoid of birdsong. Silence clung to them like a poisonous cloud that at any moment could choke the life from them. Silence seeped into their every pore, like a poison slowly paralyzing them from either speech or movement.

His slender fingers pressed into the skin of his forearms, nails biting in the layer of fine dust, drawing beads of blood. His whole body shook, bones rattling in the constant fear of the future that loomed before him.

His heart so hard against his ribcage as his pulse pressed outward, jerking the veins within.

What loomed before he feared, trailed behind made him sad and in no way could he stay rooted in the present when the time would just push ahead.

"Doctor" he said more sternly this this time forcing the doctor to look at him with sad, nervous eyes

His eyes are gray, but not like those people from the Seam. They are very pale, as if almost all the color has been sucked out of them.

"Good evening Mr. Weller. My name is Doctor Pilgrim, I'm the surgeon operating on your wife, please take a seat" he motioned towards the chairs that stood firmly against the white walls

Kurt shook his head and rubbed his fingers harshly against his creased forehead.

His face was drained with a gaunt expressionless stare.

"I'd rather stand, if that's fine with you" he said strongly

Doctor Pilgrim drew out a long shaky sigh before he asked again, more softly this time. With all hopes that the very tired man would listen to him

"Please sir" he motioned again to the seat

With tired relentless eyes, he took a seat next to the doctor

"What's wrong?" He asked quietly; barely audible

"We had to perform an emergency Cesarean delivery on your wife. The baby was in an awkward position. We tried to do what you asked; to save them both but... there was something else. Another complication" his voice was low but steady

"She suffered from Postpartum Eclampsia"

Kurt looked up, eyes wider, than usual "What is that?" From the doctor's tone of voice he was certain it was nothing good

"Was the baby delivered? Is Ava okay?" He's one more blow from breaking.

Doctor Pilgrim smiled for the first time since he sat down with kurt - his smile kind and gentle.

"That's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Yes, we delivered the baby - Ava"

He let out a long sigh of relief before bringing his sweaty pants to his face

"What's Postpartum Eclampsia?" He asked again boring holes into the doctor's head.

The doctor sighed before he continued, "It's a sudden onset of seizures sometimes resulting in coma. Your wife -"

-is in a coma" he finished.

The doctor only nodded slowly

"We will do all it takes to keep your wife safe, sir. I assure you"

"Your assurance is what got her in this situation to begin with!" He screamed, his voice bouncing off of the walls in the very still waiting room.

"How long?" He asked desperately, his voice pleading

"It's different for everyone, sir. A few days, weeks, years even"

The man wilted under Kurt's stare.

"I don't care for everyone, I only care about my wife. According to the multiple tests I'm sure you've done how long would you say she has trapped in that isolation?"

Regret washed over him like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down his spine

 _This is my fault. She's in this awful predicament because of me._

"Mr. Weller?" Doctor Pilgrim's soft voice ripped his out of his deeps

The tears flooded his cheek as he glanced up to meet Doctor Pilgrim's sad eyes.

"I asked if you wanted to see your daughter, sir?

His expression softened at this. His daughter - a little girl made up of him and Jane alone. He sat there for what felt like hours before he stood up and motioned for the doctor to lead the way

xxx

He gasped as he took her in, she was crying before he entered but immediately stopped when he went over to peer down on her.

She was a splitting image of her mother - she was beautiful. _Their daughter; his and Jane's._

Her eyes reminded him of a child's water-colour painting, how in their haste to paint all the grass they add too much water to the green and it comes out that subdued shade. Her cheeks were flushed pink - _she was perfect_

Her tiny fingers curled around his pinky. He watched her peer through brand new eyes.

He was so focused on her that he hadn't heard the doctor come in.

"Mr. Weller?", a brunette said gently taping on the door

"Mhm?"he could not take his eyes off of her. She was more than he ever hoped for. His daughter

"She's hungry, sir. Would you like to feed her?" She asked handing him a bottle of formula

He just nodded and took it from her as he gently sat down on the available bed

Her eyes widen and mouth already partly open.

The kid inhales her food like she doesn't think she'll see more for a week. She was now struggling to keep her eyes, her eyes fluttered slightly before she eventually gave up and let sleep claim her.

He gently raised her over his shoulder to burp; when Jane was asleep he'd read all of her baby books, he wanted to be the ideal dad but according to Jane he already was.

She gently laid her down in the incubator and watched her until the nurse came back in to grab the bottle back. He watched her sleep even after

"Your mom is waiting to meet you. She's not well right now but she will be, I promise" he whispered before he dipped his head to gently brush her forehead and cheeks with his lips.

xxx

This update took longer than usual, I know. I'm sorry

I've been extremely busy.

But leave me some reviews I'd love to hear your thoughts! ?


	8. Chapter 8

Before Ava came along I had a picture in my head as to what her bedtimes would be: a bath, warm milk with a story, teeth and tucked up with a teddy. But Ava had other ideas. She just isn't the type to wind down slowly. Everything she does is with maximum effort.

Kurt keeps his eyes glued to her as she rolled around happily on the bed.

Since he brought her home from the hospital seven months ago, he hasn't left her to sleep alone.

They'd visit the nursery during the day to get some of her toys or to leave her there to play but never to sleep alone at nights. His wife was already sleeping without him, he wouldn't let his daughter so the same.

He stifled a yawn as he laid besides her pulling her closer to him

"Go to sleep, Avie" he whispered against her hair.

Her thick dark curls stuck to her face as he gently brushed it out if her eyes.

Her tiny fingers brushed his face before she yanked hard on his nose and broke into a fit of giggle.

"That's not funny, Ava" he chuckled softly as he gently placed her on her stomach and rubbed her back in circular motion.

But Ava would not go sleep she raised her eyes to him and grinned widely at him. He could feel the smile tug at his lips.

"C'mon kiddo, it's 12am and your dad is tired"

"Dada" was all she said before he placed her head back on his chest and eventually fell asleep.

He sighed in relief before placing her down besides him.

He was fall asleep in minutes.

xxx

His heart thumped in accordance with slow, shallow breaths. Serenity was plastered across his face as he slept. At peace, his consciousness swirled in the land of dreams, oblivious to the physical world.

He felt a light hand brush the side of his face.

"Jane?"

There's no way she could be here. It wasn't possible

But she was. But how?

"Hi" her voice was barely a whisper

Her fingers gently brushing the sides of his neck

"Ava's perfect and you're doing great with her."

Her voice was coarse like fragmented rock in hessian sack, moving and grinding against each other.

As much as he tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping.

"Come back to me, please" he reached out to touch her but she wasn't actually there.

She offered him a sad smile, "I'll see you soon."

"You need to wake up. Ava's gonna start screaming any minute now to be fed"

Sure enough, Ava's piercing cries, jumped him out of his sleep. His eyes frantically scanned the room looking for her, he had to have dreamt her, but it felt so real.

What was she a ghost? A mirage? He couldn't tell and part of him didn't want to know.

He gently picked up Ava and fed her. He fell back against the soft pillows, tears pouring of his eyes, he made no effort to wipe them away. He just allowed the emptiness to consume him just this once.

When he cried there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound.

xxx

Mornings with Ava has always be a hassle. He placed her in the hair chair, grabbed a bowl of baby cereal, and went to get dressed he had exactly 5 minutes before Ava started shrieking at his absence.

Her head and arms went up and down while her face was a picture of concentration. The flavours in her mouth seemed to be causing her so much pleasure she couldn't be still, but at the same time breakfast was clearly a serious business. She never dropped even a pea, scattered or threw food. Every piece was sacred and she cleared the bowl in her intense way until finally it was empty. Her face would become dismayed and with diminutive hands she'd clasp the bowl, banging it and squealing.

Kurt retuned to find her banging her bowl, smiling widely. She was very fascinated by her utensils.

He scoped her up and cleaned her up before carrying her back to his room.

In these quiet moments when Ava was fed and happy he'd show her pictures of her mother.

 _You'll always have me in our baby girl._

Instead of shoving the picture in her mouth, as she did everything else, she just stared at it.

Staring isn't quite the word for what Ava does, though she'd fit the dictionary definition to a tee. Her eyes rest, not unblinking but slowed; yet the effect is soft and inviting.

"That's your mom, can you say 'mama' ?" He asked glancing down on her

She glanced up at him for a minute before refocusing her attention to the picture in her small hands

"Mama" she said softly

xxx

It's been awhile since Kurt saw Sarah. She'd come over a few times when Kurt was urgently called into work.

But today he agreed to invite her over just for a little chat

"Hey brother, it's been a minute" she said smiling as she pulled him into a hug and held on a little longer.

"How've you been? Has that niece of mine been giving you trouble?"

Walking over to where Ava sat he went over to pick her up

"Hi baby! What's that you got there?" She asked pointing the picture of Jane still clutched tightly in her small hands

"Mama" she reached up to her aunt to show her picture nearly blinding her in the process.

Sarah glanced over at Kurt and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, that is your mom." She said kissing her hair

Kurt's phone has been ringing all morning but he had been so busy with Ava that he hadn't had the time to get to it.

His phone blared again and this time he made his way over to it.

"This is Weller."

There was a long pause before someone spoke "Good day Mr. Weller, this is Doctor Pilgrim, the surgeon who operated on your wife, sir. You said to call if there was any change in your wife's condition" His voice deep like a storm deep inside of him. It's low and soft but powerful enough to send chills through Kurt's body

"Is my wife okay?" His voice echoed through the massive hall. A look of shock was plastered on the Sarah's face as she stared at him; taking in his every move and she gripped Ava tightly in her arms.

"Your wife is fine, sir. Actually she's better than fine - she's awake, sir"

Cold sweat glistened on his furrowed brow. With hands clasped tightly in front of his stomach he constantly fiddled with his knuckles, weaving his fingers in and out of each other.

"She's awake" he said again more for himself than for Sarah.

Sarah just went over and pulled him into another hug, her tears made her blue eyes shine brighter.

"She's awake." He says again, as if it wasn't believable.

 _I'll see you soon._

xxx

A picture of a beach was sprawled on each wall, each depicting beautiful scenery: rolling waves on idyllic sand. Across from him was a tiny black wooden coffee table holding health magazines. Underneath it was a dull grey carpet that covered the whole room. A television hung in one corner displaying boring commercials. But he was way too anxious to read any of the magazines or watch TV, so he just tapped his foot impatiently, eyes never leaving the door.

Shortly after doctor Pilgrim came out with a bright welcoming smile, "she's been asking you, sir. Please this way" he said motioning towards the plain white door that stood before them.

He nodded briefly before he pushed the door and went into the room

Her tall frame and slender body were like of a Victoria secret model. Her green eyes, like the sea, were calm and emotionless. Her longer, wavy black hair, so smooth and silky, almost as if it was tailored from the finest fabric. She sat down on the bed as she looked out the window, her thoughts on how much her life resembled. She turned to face him, the man who truly loved her. She felt tears on her wind-cooled skin and smiled for the first time in a long time as she walked to him.

"Hey you" she reached out to hug him.

He hugged her back, tightly and kissed her hair. "Don't ever do that to me again" he grunted out not loosening his grip on her

"I'm sorry" she choked out pulling back to hold his gaze with hers

xxx


	9. Chapter 9

"I taught Ava how to say 'mama' " Kurt said proudly to his wife on their drive home from the hospital. She wasn't exactly cleared to leave yet but he practically begged Doctor Pilgrim to take her home. He didn't refuse at all he just smiled happily and said he's been without her long enough.

Her eyes widened when she heard him speak from where he was seated; his eyes were concentrated on the busy road in front of him but at every stoplight he'd stop to look at her, convinced if he hadn't she'd disappear again.

"You didn't" she exclaimed happily. Her smile was infectious he made him chuckle lightly too.

"I did. But now I'm a little jealous because she says 'mama' more than 'dada' these days" he teased.

She put her heart over her heart dramatically and fake pouted "Aw honey, I guess she just loves more me, what can I say?"

He missed that - their light teasing, the sparkle in her eyes when she was smiled and was happy. She was his home and she knew that because he was hers too.

His wife was coming home with him finally.

"Kurt?" You okay?" She asked gently when he stared out in the open.

He hadn't heard her call until she placed her hand on top of his feeling him jump slightly but turned over to look at her.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" He murmured now facing her direction.

"I was asking if you even let Ava sleep in her nursery just once" her voice was low and he knew what that meant, she was worried

She's been discharged only an hour and he was already worrying her by spacing out.

"You know I haven't, she sleeps with me" he said squeezing her hand in his.

"What's wrong, Kurt?" Her voice barely a whisper

"I was thinking of you - about us here together. It's been so hard without you; I look at Ava and I saw you everyday. It was all too painful; it was too much, even for me" he added smiling weakly

All it leaves is a little wet mark; a shallow pool of saliva on his cheek. But when she plants the kiss there Kurt feels warmth spread through his limbs and his mind feels a pleasant buzz. Every good thing seems possible, likely even. And then he knows he's found what he's been looking for, someone to show him what it means to be happy from the inside out, so his smile can be real and not a mask.

"Jane"

Her gaze rises slowly when I whisper her name, greeting me with the full force of her smoky dark green eyes, the exotic black flecks within holding the light.

"I heard you every time you came to talk me, I tried to open my eyes to let you know that I was holding onto your every word. I wanted so badly to open my eyes to see you but I couldn't. I'm just happy I could now you've been so patient, so good with Ava" she manages to choke out before he pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

He had always loved her with devotion and purity; He had in mind that they were going to be together forever. But things... they never stay the same. There comes a dark night after every sunny day. Being away from her made him realize it was never the physical love which made it special, it was something different - a connection between two souls.

xxx

Sarah sat on the floor playing with little Ava that still had her mother's picture gripped in her hands. How the picture hadn't crushed or wrinkled with Ava's every movement was beyond her.

She heard a car stop in front of the house and she scooped Ava up to peek through the window.

Jane. She was home. She was here.

She glanced up and caught her gaze before she turned on her heels and leaped up the stairs. Sarah went to open the door greeting her in the most teary hug. When they both pulled back they were a mess, Sarah's mascara was running wildly down her cheeks but she wiped it away quickly with the back of her hand before turning her attention back to her niece that still had a questionable look on her face.

"Ava, hey, who is that?" Sarah cooed.

Ava's looked at the picture still grasped tightly in her tiny hands then looked up at the mother that stood before her. She reached up for the unknown woman to pick her up.

Jane could hardly hold back her eyes as she held her daughter for the first time in 7 months. Her tears fell rapidly into her hair as she held onto her.

 _Her daughter. Their daughter - hers and Kurt's_

Kurt came in, caught a glimpse of their little moment and hugged them both. Ava peered up at him from between her mother's embrace grinning widely.

"Hey baby" he said kissing her hair but Ava just turned away. She was not looking at anyone anymore, she just wanted to be with her mother.

"Oh wow. First my wife, now my daughter, that hurts, Ava" he teased clutching his heart through his sweater.

Jane just turned to look at him

"I told you she loved me more" she said again, kissing his lightly

"PDA guys!" Sarah said shielding her eyes, "and not in front of the kid"

She hugged Jane again before hurrying out of the room rambling on about Sawyer being home from practice any minute now and she had to home to greet him.

xxx

The yellow shining sun started rising from the ground. It filled the sky with mighty colours of red and splashed the clouds with endless rays of pink. It was bright and mesmerising as it invited me to stare, deep into the horizon but was broken out of my stare when I felt a hot breath on my neck, then the tender brush of lips. Burning as they make contact with my neck. A hand runs through my hair, as the kisses become harder and more urgent. Another hand slides around my waist, and pulls me close to his scented body. His kisses are now on my shoulders and in my hair.

His lips brush mine. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. I want to pull away before I lose myself because Ava slept in that very bed, but I can't seem to.

In this minty moment, my senses have been seduced and I can no longer think straight.

"Jane" he whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. I smile, my heart fluttering at his voice as I clasp my hands on either side of his face. Never before has my name ever felt so wonderful, I think, as I lean in for another.

Before pulling away gently, "I'd love to have sex with you but we've got company" she breathes out, pointing to the sleeping child huddled against her chest.

His fingers found a way to her wetness, he smirked against her neck "your body says otherwise"

"Kurt" she breaths pushing herself back into his fingers as he dug deeper, planning to give her exactly what she wanted. Her moans were strangled, drowned out by the pillow she kept her face in, keeping quiet as he dug deeper into her, seemed impossible but she had to keep quiet for Ava.

He felt her clench around his fingers, and knew she was near. Before she had the chance to come undone by his fingers, he pulled his fingers out of her.

"Kurt please" her pleads were barely there. Her breath was hitched in her throat

"Please" she begged again.

"But we've got company" he teased, kissing her neck softly

She turned over to give him an 'are you serious look' before she had a chance to open her mouth to protest she felt him at her entrance pushing into her slightly

She let out a soft moan

"Shh." Was all he whispered as he pounded into her

He felt her clench again and knew she was close but he wanted to see how long she could hold out before she finally woke up Ava with her screams threatening to erupt from her lips

"Kurt" he knew she was close, her voice was raspy and her breathing was all over the place

"Hold on" he whispered out of breath, sweat glistening his body in the soft morning light

"Kurt please" she was shaking uncontrollably. He felt her walls getting tighter.

"Not yet" he growled

It wasn't until she lifted her head from the pillow and let out a deafening scream that he let her orgasm wash over her. He released his seeds deep inside her gaining another scream from her.

Ava stirred in her sleep before sticking her thumb back into her mouth and snuggled closer against her mother's chest.

"She's certainly a heavy sleeper" she chuckles when her breathing was back to normal.

xxx

I started a new story!

It's called "You're so much more than a weapon to me"

You should check it out! And as always leave me some reviews, I'd love to know what you guys think.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N ;

Oh hi. I thought of ending this story in the previous chapter but I just felt the need to update this one instead of my other stories... Oops?

The motivation just wasn't there.

Maybe I'll continue, maybe I won't.

It all depends on your reviews.

I hope you find this somewhat enjoyable.

xxx

The mountain rose on the horizon, sheer rock striking down from snowy peak. Only the base was softened by the virescence of a pine blanket.

An hour ago it had seemed so close, and now after flying down the highway at a hundred kilometres an hour it was just the same size.

Jane was bored of the scenery, no TV, no computer — just two parents and a tent. She'd rather flip those numbers around given a chance.

It was Ava's first birthday and Kurt had been so adamant on his baby girl being a camper.

"Kurt she's a year. She'll be asleep before you even get the fire started" Jane exasperated, she didn't get why Kurt was so excited about getting Ava going on a camp trip for her first birthday.

"Family traditions are supposed to be cosy, bonding experiences, babe" Kurt explained, kneeling before his wife and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Oh great, us bringing our daughter here to the exact camp site your father buried your childhood friend. Awesome"

I felt guilty, but I couldn't stop.

I knew I should've put an end to it, apologize before I made it worse, but I just didn't have it in me to stop.

"I don't want my daughter around any of this. She's her own person. Stop trying to make her Taylor"

Her comment was so out of character, so far from what he knew of her, he just stared at her open mouthed. His brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that he was shocked. He closed his mouth, then looked at his toes before glancing back up to catch her eye. "pack your stuff," was all he could say.

He turned away from her and made his way back into the tent to pack his possession.

"Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't mean —" Jane started, massaging her temple with her thumb and forefinger.

"You did. And I'm sorry if that's how you felt. I just wanted my daughter to experience what I did as a kid; what made me happy. If you're unhappy we'll leave right now."

The sigh that escaped Jane's lips was slow, as if her brain needed that time to process what had happened.

"I'm sorry" she croaked out.

Ava's piercing cries interrupted whatever Kurt's response would've been. He reached over to where Ava was and scooped her up in his strong arms.

As Kurt stroked her hair her breathing slowed. Then he began to sing the lullaby he'd always sung to her at bedtime since she was a baby. Now her tears had stopped, leaving only their tell-tale wet tracks down her face.

He could soothe her like no one else, even his own breaths were deep and even. It was impossible to stay anxious or upset with Ava around. Then as her eyelids became heavy and drooped he carried her over to the part of the tent she'd pre warmed. Then he slid into the sleeping bag next to her and cuddled her until she was asleep.

Jane watched on, blinking back the tears threatening to pour down her face.

She hadn't meant to she was just so angry that he was still clinging to the ghost of a dead child. She'd hurt him again without even meaning to.

He was so good to her. The perfect husband, perfect father.

He deserved so much better than her. She was broken and angry with the world; she always was. The anger never subsided and she lashed out on him.

She hesitantly crept into the bed next to her husband and admired him quietly, clenching her hands to her sides to prevent them from reaching out and hugging him tightly against her chest.

His features were much softer in sleep, the lines that usually creased his brow replaced by the youthful appearance that matched those of others their age. He looked peaceful. Wanting nothing more than to curl up into the curve of his body, she turned around and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder.

xxx

The clouds were arranged as neatly as child's toys, scattered over blue, content to drift where they fell. The morning sun had the potential to bring a day as hot as yesterday, but those wonderful puffs of white radiated it back out into space. The air was cooler, the colours less vivid and all without a drop of rain.

Kurt made his way out of the tent to be greeted by the sight of his wife and daughter taking a bath at the lake, not too far from where the tent was situated.

In the brilliant summer sunshine the lake was a perfect mirror for the mountains that surrounded it. From above that watery world was so clear and perfect it could be another dimension.

Ava was giggling sweetly, a thing she did a lot when she felt happy.

I swear even the birds shut up to hear her beautiful laughter emerging and filling the air with gorgeous sounds coming from deep her chest, composing what's still today my favourite song.

Ava was a splitting image of her mother. It was like staring into a mirror for Jane.

Her deep curls stopped just at her shoulders. She had inherited her mother's beautiful green eyes and prominent dimples she got from neither of them.

Her eyes were the glimmering color of emerald, sparkling in the light of the morning sun like a fresh sheen of morning dew. When she turned her head, this way and that, they caught the light and played tricks with anything and everything that screamed 'spring.'

Her giggles intensified as Jane attacked her face with many kisses.

He was so caught up in watching his wife and daughter's fun time that he hadn't even noticed the pile of food left out for him.

He was served an enormous platter of food. Eggs, ham, piles of fried potatoes. A tureen of fruit sits in ice to keep it chilled. The basket of rolls set before him would keep the family going for a week. There's an elegant glass of orange juice.

He glanced up and caught Jane's gaze. She offered a small smile, which he ignored and gave his undivided attention to the food in front of him waiting to be devoured.

After a few minutes Jane came out of the lake with a shivering Ava and rushed into the tent to make her daughter warm. When they were both dressed in warmer clothes, she settled Ava down so she can roam around. Keeping a sharp eye on the toddler, she made her way over to Kurt.

"Morning"

Kurt offered her a side glance before shoving his plate back and calling out to his daughter.

"Ava, come here" he cooed reaching his arms out for the little girl to run into. She was still a little wobbly on her feet but she was determined to get it right. _Determined like her mother._

Jane felt a pang of sadness rush through her. Her husband never ignored her not even when he was really angry with her.

So this silence was really eating away at her.

That's pretty much how it went throughout the day. Jane trying to talk to him, him ignoring her until she just stopped altogether. She picked Ava up against the toddler's protest and made her way back into the tent with her. In attempts to fall straight to sleep.

The heartache was like a red hot coal placed in her chest, it glowed and burnt her at the same time, but it did not cool quickly like a coal in water, it throbbed and tortured her in all her walking hours and there was no relief to be found.


	11. Chapter 11

With ankles crossed and my knees leaning against the center console, I watch Kurt slide into the driver's seat, starting the engine with the push of a button. I want to touch him and run my fingers through his hair. Rubbing my hands together, I force them into submission. Observing his movements, a sigh escapes my lips. I adore the subtle tilt of his head when he turns onto the road. Every movement seems as though he's planned it out ahead of time. Feeling a chill, I rub my arms.

When the frustration builds and I think I might explode — I take a deep breath. I want to shout, have a tantrum and beat my hands on the ground like a toddler. I want to vent, let it out, but I don't want to say words I don't mean, be hurtful. It's just so easy to be cruel in that moment and then the damage is done. So many times I've wanted to unsay things, take it back. I'm learning how to deal with it, but slowly.

"Daddy. Daddy up" Ava's soft protest is the only thing that makes Kurt's eyes shift over to where Jane sat. For the first time in an entire week he smiles at her; really smiles at her.

But it was gone before she even had the time to react on it.

"Hey sweetie, mommy's got you" Jane reached into the backseat and pulled Ava out of her car seat.

Ava's cuddles were the only antidote she had left in this world.

"Hi mommy" Ava giggled clutching her mother tighter

Kurt glances over to where Jane sat cuddling their daughter and gives her a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet but it died faster than wisps of smoke dissipated after a candle flame has been snuffed out.

"Kurt, I said I'm sorry." Jane breaths, she was getting so tired of this game he was playing. She missed sleeping in her husband's arms at nights, missed having him touch her, kiss her.

The sigh that came was a signal, not of his resolve leaving but of the level his tension had reached. He was more like an old fashioned kettle — still full even when some steam forced its way out.

"Jane —" he started, gripping he steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white

"I don't want to fight with you. Please" she pleaded, she was practically on the verge of tears but Kurt's eyes remained fixated on the road ahead.

"It's fine, okay. Let's just forget it" Kurt said sternly, avoiding her gaze.

Her shoulders drooped. She was utterly defeated.

"I'm sorry", she croaked out.

This time she didn't stop the tears from flowing down her face.

A single tear slid down from her warm, gem coloured eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed it's way down her pale cheek, releasing the sadness and sorrow that has been held inside of her for all this time but still she did not make a sound.

Ava peered up at her mother with sad eyes, using her tiny thumb to wipe away the tears as quickly as they fell, "don't cry, mommy"

The ride home was basically Jane cuddling Ava silently and Kurt doing his best to keep his eyes on the road

There was absolute stillness. No air stirred the grass or leaves. No clouds drifted in the sea of blue above. No water dripped or flowed. Not a sound could be heard either close at hand or in the far off distance. Even my own breath seemed to die as soon as it left my mouth. It was an eerie sort of tranquility, so instead of being soothed my senses became heightened. I felt like the prey even though no predator could be detected. It was as if the world were encased in a cocoon, a bubble, and there was no way out.

xxx

Every night I tried to fall asleep straight away at 10pm but it was next to impossible. My head was filled with several thoughts and "what ifs" constantly flooding into my brain. I turned on my phone and scrolled through my Instagram feed, trying to tire myself. It never worked. I repeated this theory every night thinking that I would have an epiphany on ways to fall asleep. I knew that it was beginning to become a problem when I eventually dozed off at half past four, leaving me two and a half hours before morning. I awoke with no problem, but my eyes were bloodshot as usual and defined with a heavy black crease which under each which I had to hide with a ton of concealer before leaving the house.

"Good morning"

I felt painfully out of place, like a pepperoni that had mistakenly made its way onto a vegetarian pizza.

"Morning"

I don't know what was more shocking. The fact that he actually responded to my greeting after nearly two weeks or that he placed a soft kiss on my lips before sitting at the table awaiting his breakfast.

Her eyes and her mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise, and although she was staring straight at Kurt she appeared not to notice him at all.

"Look, I'm sorry. This is all so much for you but I know you had no intention of making our daughter, Taylor. She's Ava, my daughter — our daughter."

The next thing I knew, he had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all wind from my lungs.

I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips and, at my grant of access, delved inside my mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of toothpaste being exchanged in the intermingling of our billowing breaths. My arms reached up and tangled around his thick, strong neck. In an instant I had pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against my own, before I drew back into his lips. I could nearly feel the slight burn of the toothpaste as it rolled off my tongue and seeped down my throat with every push of his tongue against mine.

"Ew" Ava giggled in the distant.

The couple broke into a fit of laughter at their daughter's outburst.

I hesitantly looked up at him. The swirls of emotion I saw there made me gasp. Lust and desire. However, before I could ponder about it further, he yanked me to him and covered my mouth with his in a hungry kiss. As our lips crushed together, I felt like I was walking on air. It was magic, the way his lips connected with mine. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than I could have imagined and I opened my mouth with a low moan.

"I love you so much" Kurt breaths against her lips.

He held her gently, cupping her face with one hand. He leaned down and softly kissed the tender area at the base of her neck.

"I love you too" she whispered back, hugging him tightly.

xxxx

I had planned for Jane and Kurt's angst to last just a little longer but eh.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter


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